


Love letters aren’t always about love

by scifishipper



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-14
Updated: 2012-05-14
Packaged: 2017-11-05 08:51:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/404540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scifishipper/pseuds/scifishipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lee's decision to leave Dee doesn't work out exactly as he planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love letters aren’t always about love

Lee folds the last of his tanks into a neat rectangle and drops them into his duffel, frowning as he notices the space left in the bag. He hardly has anything left anymore, not since Pegasus was destroyed a few months earlier. Now it's just a half-empty duffel and a failed marriage to his name. 

“You were just going to leave without telling me?” Lee stiffens at the sound of Dee’s voice behind him, guilt and embarrassment stilling his fingers on the bag's zipper. His eyes stray to the envelope he's left her on the bed — the coward's way out.

“Dee…” He says, turning towards her, one hand still threaded through the strap of his bag. The pain in her voice makes him wince. 

“So, you made your choice?” Her face is angry and hurt and it’s all his fault. 

“It’s just me. I don’t know what anyone else is going to do.” They both know who he means and Lee drops her eyes, tightening his grip on the duffel, wanting to run but staying firm.

“Like Kara’s not going to come running when she finds out.” 

He nearly snorts at her words, unable to still the slight shake of his head. Kara’s never run after him and he’s not even sure she’ll leave Sam. “I don’t know what she’s going to do, Dee. It’s not really about her.” Now that’s a lie, he thinks, wondering at how easily the falsehoods flow off his tongue.

“What the hell else would it be about?” Her face contorts into anger and a fresh wave of guilt slices through him. He never should have married her. At least, not the way he had.

“It’s not—” He starts, not exactly sure what he’s even going to say, just needs to object, say something that doesn’t make him feel pinned against the wall.

“Not what? Not true? Right. Keep telling yourself that.” Dee twists her hands together, eyes glittering with anger. 

Lee struggles to think of something to say, but there’s nothing left. “I’m sorry, Dee. I didn’t want it go this way.” He really does care for her and he feels like shit. 

“Save it, Lee.” Dee doesn’t wait for him to stumble over his words again, just shakes her head and gives him a look of loathing. “I’ll putting in for new quarters. Leave your things. I sleep with Felix in the Junior Officer’s quarters tonight.” 

“Dee…” He feels like repeating message, unable to string together anything longer than her name.

Dee stares down at her ring, fingers splayed wide. “I never should have agreed. I knew it, didn’t I? Even said it like the frakking gods would hear it and somehow keep her away. Frak.” She pulls at the ring, yanking it over her knuckles to drop it on the desk. “It was all a mistake, Lee.”

He watches her spin away, his mouth moving without sound as she walks calmly out the hatch. No dramatics, no fireworks, just gone. 

:: :: ::

It’s been four days since he left Kara a note telling her about Dee. Like him, for weeks before, Kara’s been avoiding him and he’s wondering why he’s even frakking surprised. He tries to tell himself that it’s for the best, the he didn’t love Dee, not in the way a husband should love a wife. Not the way he loves Kara. But it doesn’t really help what feels like an oozing wound of one bad decision after another, the same mistakes his father made with equally disastrous results. He should be thankful at least he didn’t have any kids to frak up, too.

At the end of the fifth day, Lee’s starting to lose hope. There haven’t been any cylons, lots of down time, plenty of opportunity for Kara to find him, to keep her end of a bargain they didn’t really even make. As he steps out of the head, he hears the bustle of a shift change, pilots edging around him, odd looks in his direction and he understands that the word is out. The former Commander and his XO wife are quits. 

Lee holds his head up anyway, meets the eye of the junior officers and makes it back to his too-big quarters without feeling too transparent. Years of bullshitting his father has helped him keep it together under scrutiny.

He dresses and settles in his rack with a drink and a book propped up on one knee. He’s read it before and his eyes graze over the words without much comprehension, but at least he manages to fool himself into thinking he’s making good use of his time instead of recycling his conversation with Kara a hundred thousand time in his head. _If I leave Sam, will you still leave Dee?_

He’s half asleep when the comm buzzes and he startles, sending the book to the floor as he reaches for the receiver. 

“Adama.” He listens, fingers fumbling to pick up the fallen item and pauses, blinking in surprise. “Yes, sir. I’ll take care of it.” 

:: :: ::

Lee’s thoughts are a jumble as he approaches the brig. After five days of barely seeing Kara, he has no frakking clue what he’s going to say.

The hatch squeals as he pushes it open, stepping in to nod at the guard. “Wait outside.” Corporal Venner stands and salutes before leaving and pulling the hatch closed behind him.

“Come to clean up the mess, Lee?” Kara drawls from a nearby cell. When he looks over, she’s sitting against the wall, knees pulled up against her chest, head tipped against the bulkhead. 

“Wouldn’t be the first time, would it?” He half-teases, wanting to keep things between them calm, but hears the anger edging into his voice. This is not how he wanted to talk to her.

“Won’t be the last, I’m sure.” She shifts on the bed, pushing hair out of her face, eyes grazing his.

When he gets closer he can see the beginnings of a bruise on her cheekbone. “Looks like you took a shot to the face.”

She smiles a little and rubs at the spot. “You should see the other guy.” 

“I bet.” Lee glances around and then drags a chair near the bars and sits with his elbows on his knees facing her. “What happened?”

Kara doesn’t answer, just shakes her head, features sad instead of the defiance he expects. He realizes that he has no idea what’s been going on with her.

The silence drags on, the only sound the whirring of the fans of Galactica, pushing air through the ship.

“Sam left,” she says and Lee’s eyes snap up from the spot he’s been staring at on the floor.

“What?” 

“Said he was tired of waiting around. Tired of being with a frak up.” 

Lee wants to be triumphant, but her face looks pained. Through all of this, he never thought she didn’t care about Sam. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, feeling stupid and culpable as soon as the words come out of his mouth.

“Don’t be. It was a dumb idea to begin with.” Kara rubs her face and winces when her hand scrapes over the darkening bruise on her cheek. “Frakking Narcho,” she mumbles, swinging her legs off the rack to shove a hand into her pants pocket. She comes out with a slip of paper and unfolds the note he left her a few days before. 

“Wasn’t sure you got that.” Lee assumes she had, but he’s not sure where this is all going. 

She doesn’t speak, just folds and unfolds the paper in her fingers. 

“We frakked up, Kara,” He says, and he believes it. “I never wanted it to go this way. What happened on New Caprica…” His throat gets seized up when he thinks about that morning, the hurt and the proposal, how everything he wanted disintegrated in an instant, replaced by a lie. Suddenly, fear is in his gut and he sits up, doesn’t know if he can do this. 

He grinds his palms into his eye sockets, willing the sharp and painful images from re-emerging. He thought he was over this, trusted her again, but now, her hesitation. She didn’t do it for him. Didn’t do anything, in fact. 

“I thought you would leave him, Kara. I thought that’s what you wanted. Both talking about the same thing, right?” His words are laced with accusation. For five days he’s kept a lid on it, suffering humiliation at his own frakking hands. 

“You know, I frakking owe him. Who do you think picked up the pieces after what those cylons did to me on Caprica? Who still wanted to be with me even when I frakked up? Not you. You had your cushy job and a perfect girlfriend – no I’m sorry, perfect wife. Frak this.” She stands and starts to pace, energy vibrating around her.

Lee stands, too. “You frakking married Sam, so don’t even talk to me about marriage. I told you I loved you.” The burst of anger deflates into hurt. “I left Dee, Kara. I frakking left her and you haven’t even bothered to say a frakking thing.” His emotions are sliding around like bare feet in motor oil and he swallows, searching out her eyes which she keeps away, face screwed up in defiance and other things he can’t even process.

“Well, he’s gone, Lee. What’s the frakking difference?” 

Lee gapes at her, arms splayed wide. “Are you kidding me?” He feels sick now, the reality of Kara Thrace, never quite his, never really trying to be. “It’s always someone else, isn’t it? First Zak, now Sam. I thought it was me, Kara. I thought I was always too late, bad timing. Well, frak that. Maybe it’s just that I was never enough.” All of his doubts wind around him like ropes so tight that he can’t breathe. 

“You need to frakking make a choice, Kara. Don’t you get that?” He stares at her face but it’s hard and unyielding. She’s never going to understand.

Lee feels his shoulders start to slump and he turns to go. “I’m outta here. You know where to find me.” 

:: :: ::

Another two days pass and Lee knows she’s out of the brig and back on duty. He’s been careful to keep their schedules apart. He’s not sure he can handle seeing her.

He’s just put the last of his files away when the hatch to his office swings open. He half-turns away from the cabinet and blinks, surprised to see Kara standing in the hatchway.

“Captain,” he says, coolly, pushing the drawer closed.

She takes two steps towards his desk and drops a form onto it. 

“What’s this?” he asks as he picks up the sheet and sees her familiar scrawl.

“Change of station request, sir.” Her face is inscrutable and he looks down to read.

“D-3405?” His brow furrows as he works it out. When the realization strikes, adrenaline shoots through him, jump-starting his heart which has been dead for weeks. Lee lets his arm drop and stares at her. _His quarters._ “Kara?”

“I made my choice, Lee.” She shrugs, looking suddenly afraid. “If you still want me.” 

He tries to speak, but he’s too overwhelmed, so he steps forward and pulls her into a tight hug. “My gods, Kara. Always.” 

Kara threads her arms around his waist and squeezes him back, body sinking against him as he buries his face in her hair. It’s unimaginable that she’s here, doing this. That she chose him. He tilts his head back and kisses her, heart racing, fingers shaking as he slides his hands along her jaw and into her hair. They kiss breathlessly, confirming what Kara has done until they break apart and she chuckles, pulling the paper out of Lee’s hand.

“Signature, sir?” She waves the form between them and he laughs and pulls her against him for another kiss, crushing the request between them. In a rush of passion, the paper is suddenly forgotten, falling silently away and fluttering to the floor. For once, they’re both free.  



End file.
